Remaining Relevant in Life (Part 1)

One of my fears in life is no longer being seen as relevant. I suppose I’m not unique here.  When we’re children, we want to be noticed by our teachers and our classmates.  As young, working adults, it’s the acknowledgement of our boss plus our peers that we crave.  Then, once we leave the work force, we still want to be recognized by others as being vital. No one wants to be thought of as a doddering geriatric. Or, for that matter, as yesterday’s target audience, which is what happened when I turned 40 and was replaced by the Gen X generation. This issue of being overlooked has been with me for a while as you can clearly see.

The truth is relevance is a basic human need. It applies to all stages of life and situations: social, personal and professional. Simply put, it’s a normal part of the aging process and like it or not, it affects us all.

There’s no lack of advice today on growing older.  Those of us over 65 are encouraged to “embrace our age” and to “express gratitude” for each and every day.  I put these two words within quotes as they are amongst the most ridiculously overused expressions of the last few years. 

Branding yourself to remain relevant

Hear me out, please. Why not put a new spin on simultaneously making the most out of aging and staying relevant?  What about looking at ourselves as a brand. What if we had to market ourselves to be noticed?  What tactics might we employ to keep our brand fresh, exciting and of value to others?

To answer this question, I canvassed several friends, all of whom I consider ageless individuals.  By that I mean people who are eternally youthful and forward thinking and with whom I cherish spending time. Each person (ages ranged from 34 to 93) has a different spin on how they keep their persona so compelling that others gravitate towards them. What is their secret weapon to assure that friends, neighbors and even casual acquaintances seek them out whether it’s for their leadership, emotional support, or instructive life lessons?

The topic is vast, and I know this post (which will be divided into two parts) hardly does it justice. However, these tactics, generously shared by our multiple contributors, warrant your attention. Why? Because no matter your point in life, these concepts are universally of value. If making your existence meaningful to others is important, you may want to adopt one or more of these suggestions. You’ll be pleasantly surprised at how easily they can be integrated into your brand-building to keep it both thriving, of value to others and irresistibly fun.  

Engage in something meaningful

Susan Sokol Blosser, pioneer of the Oregon wine industry, reminds us in her book called 7 Lessons at 70 that once you stop working, the challenge of remaining relevant and being productive is entirely in our hands. Always the wise adult in the room, my friend Susan tells us that, “Life becomes more balanced as you gradually learn to integrate your activities and interests to include some you do just for you and some you do to help others.” We all need purpose and finding an outlet where you can contribute meaningfully—working at your local soup kitchen, reading to children, volunteering at whatever non-profit organization aligns with your values—is one of the most effective ways to accomplish these two goals. 

Mentor someone

Ellen Negrin, another wine industry veteran, suggests having a millennial mentee—or anyone of a younger generation—to feel plugged into life. “The one thing I missed when I left my manager’s position in wine distribution was the opportunity to mentor a team. We were always learning from each other. The last few years I've had the opportunity to work with many young people in the restaurant industry and continue my mentoring skillset. Luckily, wine brings people together easily as its appeal is ageless.”  

Ellen rightly points out how the learning experience cuts both ways. As a mentor not only do you share your knowledge with others, but you also benefit from learning from your mentees. Their gift offers new and different perspectives. Often this means a more up-to-date view of things including, if you’re lucky, a better understanding of technology. Talk about an invaluable exchange especially in this increasingly digitalized world. 

Stay current

Sharon Telesca, a Gen-X top hospitality industry executive recommends staying relevant by keeping up with pop culture. She uses social media as a tool where she does her best “to separate the wheat from the chaff.”  While taking advantage of Facebook, Instagram, or even TikTok may not be everyone’s forte, it’s one of the quickest ways to be informed about people, trends and contemporary issues which make the younger generations tick, no pun intended. 

You might argue “why should I care?”  Surprisingly, staying on top of things helps everyone navigate the world around them. Its benefits are greater than you might imagine.  For example, it can enhance your social interactions, entertainment choices, and overall cultural understanding. If you’re still working, it can also augment professional pursuits.

Staying current includes knowing what’s going on in the world politically, economically and culturally too. While following the news may be painful these days, it’s a must. Use whatever method you prefer—read the newspaper on your smart phone or by hard copy, listen to current event podcasts, or watch the nightly news—but do make the effort. Otherwise, how can you share a meaningful, informed opinion with others?

Hang with people of all ages

Sharon was not the only person who acknowledges the value of having friends of all ages among their entourage. “I also like socializing with people from 20-somethings (my nieces and nephews and their friends) to 90-somethings “(my neighbor who just celebrated her 90th birthday.) Gaining a variety of perspectives can be eye-opening. My niece who is 26, has the same love for New York as I did at that age. Concerts, parties, restaurants. It gives me hope for the future, hope for New York.”  Spending time with her older friends adds another dimension by garnering wisdom from their life experiences, both good and bad.

Choose your friends wisely

Riffing on the topic of friendships, food authority Janeen Sarlin adds a qualifier: “I naturally gravitate towards energetic people no matter their age.  I was born with boundless energy. I have two speeds, fast and stop! As a child my mom told me I never sat still all day, but at night I'd put myself in bed early, unlike my siblings.   My family called me ‘spunky and too curious for my own good!’ and now my young friends tell me I’m a “bad ass!” 

I’d like to add the importance of choosing friends who have a positive outlook on life. If you can help it, don’t waste any valuable time with people who kvetch, a popular Jewish expression all New Yorkers use for people who habitually complain. Do yourself a favor and delete them from your contact list. Life is just too short not to! I learned this from my 90+ year old friend, writer Eunice Fried, who never complains about her health or life in general, despite the many challenges of growing older. Subsequently, spending time with her is something I relish, not regret. 

Keep asking questions 

Ben Judd, husband of my millennial granddaughter Nicole, advocates for employing the art of asking questions of others as a powerful method for staying relevant. “People take interest in you when you take interest in them. Asking follow up questions allows someone else to open up and share their perspective which makes them feel good about themselves. It’s a great way to learn about new things and it also serves as a good qualifier for whether you (genuinely) want to be relevant to them.” 

It's conventional wisdom that asking questions enriches your life. Research has shown that being interested in others is, in many ways, more important than being interesting.  When you pose questions as simple as “What excites you in life,” it sets up a virtual cycle of giving and taking. The person being questioned will invariably ask you something in return.  Asking questions is the secret juice of relationships as it fosters intimacy.   

Never stop learning

Adding on to her husband’s thoughts, Nicole believes that staying relevant comes down to being interested in the world. “This ultimately can lead to your becoming an interesting person. You can be interested by asking questions of others, like Ben said, but you can also be interested by following current events, experiencing new things, and getting curious when a subject or topic intrigues you. You can become knowledgeable about a subject which makes you invaluable to others who want to learn about that same topic. 

“You can be passionate about a hobby or skill, which could lead to connecting with others who share the same hobbies, or it could lead to people being attracted to the enthusiasm and excitement you have for your hobby. The one caveat to this is that you must be genuinely interested in whatever you’re doing—you can’t feign interest for the sake of fitting in or making it seem like you’re an interesting person. Being authentic and true to yourself will naturally draw others to you.” 

Stay tuned for the second part of this post where we will share tactics such as the best ways to offer advice, the value of travel, and channeling your inner child.  If you have anything you’d like to add on the topic, contact me at marsha.palanci@gmail.com. I’d love to hear from you.  Our next post drops next Tuesday. All ideas are welcome!